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For Moturi

'Mama, was it a mistake
That I existed without your consent
Something you could not avoid...'

Mama, was it a mistake
That I existed without your consent
Something you could not avoid
Where is the root of the matter
It is something my brain can't tell
From my head's weak cartilage
Did you just look at the horizon
Trying to reach the yellow light
Of the sinking sun to the East
Until you abandoned me
Almost claiming my life
Won't forgive you, mama.

Mama, is it my weak grip of thy breast
As I sucked
That embarrassed you completely
Was it my cry
Clinging to your back
Or was it my shitting on your laps
As you spoon-fed me
What triggered your arrogance
Abandoning me in this lone world
Leaving me at the mercy of nobody
Subjecting me to a different diet
From the usual breast milk and porridge
To course Ugali and vegetables
Won't forgive you, mama.

I was three months when you left me
Now am six months old
Still going strong
But I can't regret missing you
(the world is my Samaritan)
Tell me mama,
Why should I bother you?
When am pondering over the next move
May when I shall turn twenty
(a wish of course)
May be I harassed your femininity
But wasn't it your wish
That you should have a son
Won't forgive you, mama

It is a criminal offence
I can't manage to file
May you can deny it
But the world has seen
Naked evidence before your eyes
Like river water running away
From the source
Never to return
Mama, I have chosen to forget you
Whether you come back
That is another leaf to be turned over
But as for now
Won't forgive you mama.


* Dennis Dancan Mosiere aka Grandmaster Masese is a Nairobi-based performance poet/writer and musician. He is also a Fahamu Pan African Fellow for Social Justice.
* Please send comments to [email protected] or comment online at Pambazuka News.